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1) Ditto [by Anonymous on April 15, 2008]I really sympathize with you on this one.
Saying you are held hostage buy the kids you raised is putting the hurt mildly.
We too, have been blamed for every bad decision our son has made and every thing we did not give into during the time we raised him. He has grown tall and straight even so. He found his wife's parents to be more to his liking (they spoil him sinfully and because they have no male children, they have treated him like their own). For that we are greatful however, now that he has a psuedo set of parents, unfortunately, we are expendable. When our Granddaughter was born, from that point forward she was used as a tool in leveraging his wants against us. When we did not give in and buy him whaever he thought he needed at the time, we were outcast and not included in the family, we went for three years without even being allowed to send her a birthday or Christmas gift...all were returned spitefully.
Then suddenly, he was faced with a possible divorce and financial dire-straits and reached out to us. We, of course, let our love over-rule our hurt feelings and took him/them back open arms, paid most of the oppressive bills they had and helped in other ways to set them back on the path to success. Then, after they had worked out their issues both marital and financial, the leveraging started anew. We couldn't afford to buy them a new washer and dryer set to replace the ones that broke, so the parents in law rode in to the rescue and now, we are back to square one. We have not seen them nor have we been allowed to even send a card. We have been again spurned. Talk about crushing hurt.
From what we have been told from our granddaughter herself, in a chance meeting at a public childrens play center where we had taken our other two grandchildren, we were told that she (our granddaughter-now 4) would see us when she was 16 and would not be allowed to see us before then. Then, without even a sideways glance at us, our son scolded her for talking to us and hustled her away.
We have longed for some way to press for grandparental visitation rights but then again, should the courts finally allow it again, I doubt we would press for it anymore.
As grandparents, we feel it is far more important for our granddaughter to have a strong family relationship with her parents rather than have to be dragged like a tug of war rope between two factions at odds with each other.
What we are doing now is banking on the fact that someday, as usually happens with adopted kids and those separated from one or the other parent by divorce, that someday she will seek us out. We have therefore been accumulating and storing all the cards, small gifts, and other treasures and things grandparents save for their granchildren, in a storage box for her. We will be at her graduation and any other public event where our son and wife cannot restrict us from being. Any sports event she choses to partake in etc, she will know we were there cheering her on. When that time comes and she seeks us out and is ready to know and absorb facts in a better mindset than as a small child, she will know that it was not by our choice that we didn't see her and that even though not allowed, our love for her was/is no less.
Sorry for being so long winded but we thought you might take solice in that you are not alone and perhaps can take action in a like way, to salvage the love of your grandchildren when they finally throw off the shackles of oppression inflicted by immature and self-centered parents.
Take care and may God grant you strength and peace.
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I have had my grandson in my home every week for 2 years, 2 to 3 days a week and never a problem. Now we have said no to lending money.
He is no longer allowed to talk with us, we can no longer see him, and to go to their house to see him we must call first...but the kids won't answer the phone.
If we found the money to lend them, then the problem would be solved.
Not all grandparents are bad some are being held hostage by the children they raised.
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you are absolutly correct, I put an harrasment order on my daughters Grandparents and in return they filed for full custody of my child. Now it is going on two years of harrasement through litigation. How is this possible? The Grandparents are manuplitive and nasty. They have told my daughter awful things about me and still the judge has not thrown it out of court. I do not have a lot of money to spend fighting them and they know this of course through discovery of everything I have. I feel as though they are raping me of my rights as a parent.
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